Every Musician You've Ever Met But Wish You Hadn't (In GIFs)

Whether you embrace it with open arms or dread it with the very essence of your soul, you need to hang around with other musicians in order to be a functioning musician yourself. When the stars align and you find the right people this can be a magical and whimsical experience. When you meet the wrong musicians, it can create the living breathing personification of everything you've ever feared. It can also be hilarious so we thought we'd share a few examples of the 'less than desirable' types via the medium of GIFs to see how many you recognise.

 

The drummer in the band that drinks too much before the gig, then realises they can't play.
The drummer in the band that drinks too much before the gig, then believes that their skills have been enhanced because of it. So much so that they wrap a bloodied bandage around their head and chop down a tree with their teeth to use as sticks.
The musician that needs to show they can play no matter where they are or what they're doing. They'll use all available surfaces to display their "skill" and if surfaces aren't available... "Hey, this air will do."
The musician that gets given constructive criticism, but can't take it, then leaves the band to start his/her own solo project involving just him/her. They then name the "band" something like, 'Nom De Plume'.
The musician that really doesn't want to be there, but is far too lazy to leave or tell the rest of the band how he/she feels. The departure is inevitable, but probably won't happen until he/she gets kicked out by the rest of the band or when he/she decides to leave the country to grow papaya in South America.
The efficient musician that knows the song inside out but has finally cracked from waiting around for the rest of the band to stop talking about they're fancy new gear, Pokemon Go, and start learning the song that they've done absolutely no homework on.
The front man that has zero skill, but thinks that hitting a cowbell out of time will make him/her talented and a valued member of the band that audiences will go wild for. They probably also wear clothes made out of hemp. The rest of the band keep him/her in, but have absolutely no idea why.
The musician that only considers the replacement cost of musical instruments after breaking them into a thousand pieces in order to please the crowd. Little do they know that some of the shrapnel has just impaled a small child in the front row.
The musician that will do absolutely anything to get out of the gig.
The musician that has just been told by a member of the audience that the front man has slept with all three of his/her siblings, but knows the show must go on.
The musician that thinks they're the next Bob Dylan, but all they sing about is how their ex-girlfriend/boyfriend broke their heart, but it's okay because now they've moved on and eat quinoa and segmented orange with chilli flakes straight after their Kundalini Yoga session.
The musician that is far more talented than you at the grand old age of sperm. This is the same musician that provides clarity on the inevitability of death and how you will never have enough time to be as good as him/her by the time you're 6ft under. Also - Santa isn't real.
The girlfriend that misses her musician ex-boyfriend so much that she plays on his gear and floods the room with tears whilst thinking about the "good times". The ex-boyfriend would have taken his pride and joy with him when he left 23 years ago, however, the hassle involved in doing so was far too great.
The musician that has no musical talent, but has 1 billion hits on YouTube due to a mildly amusing gimmick that wears thin quickly. You, on the other hand, have an abundance of talent, but can't work a camera nor could you be bothered even if you could. This frustrates you. You often consider ditching music altogether and learn how to juggle 20 adorable kittens.
The musician that manages to achieve magical things beyond their own capabilities in the studio thanks to the gem that is 'technology'. When it comes to playing the songs live, they have to rely on cheating to replicate the desired effect. Whether that's through triggering, effects pedals, sampling, dogs or other.
The musician that starts a band based on a highly original concept. You hate this person and you laugh at the "whacky" idea and truly believe that absolutely no one will ever like it. Fast forward 3 days and they're on TV headlining Glastonbury. You don't only just hate the band, but also realise that humanity as a whole has lost the plot. It hurts even more because you never thought of the concept yourself.
The DJ that you view as un-skilled getting loads of paid gigs. You are a virtuosic musician who actually plays notes and stuff and have worked on your technique for 78 years, but have only ever played the local town hall for a charity gig back in the 60's.
The musicians that aren't in it for monetary gain, but for the love of playing music. You wish you could view it this way, but you're fixated on the idea of becoming a rock star and going back in time to the mid-90's to meet Pamela Anderson wearing a red bikini (or Hasselhoff).
The musician that is so adored by all of his/her fans that every single one of them will do anything that he/she asks. You hate this person, but would do anything to be this person.
The musician that will do whatever he/she is told because they are that desperate to be famous and see an appearance on Celebrity Big Brother as an achievement. Most probably signed to the label that just missed out on getting the Vanilla Ice contract in the late 80's.
The musician that can only play fast; a skill that is incredibly useful when it comes to playing classic floor fillers such as U2's 'Take Me to the Clouds Above', and DJ Casper's 'Cha Cha Slide'. Oh wait. No it's not.
The musician that doesn't play drums, but decides to sit behind the kit as soon as the actual drummer leaves the room. The actual drummers really like this - they find it cute and charming. Keep doing it. Honestly. Good job. You're great. You don't play drums but you want to pick up the sticks and break everything. Fantastic.
The musician that closes his/her eyes when playing. They must be really into what they're doing.
The musician that you know has been waiting for that one moment in the gig when they are adamant that every single person in the crowd is going to absolutely love this part of the set and will be fixated by them at this particular moment in time. In reality, no one is watching, and they are most probably in the toilet, having a smoke, or struggling over a tricky line of Sudoku.
The overly energetic musician that is doing the simplest thing in the world, but is trying to make it look as though it's really impressive - "Look at me right now! I'm going craaazy over this complex part that you have to see! Check out all the sweat that's flooding from my brow!". Akin to the illusion of running up the stairs, but moving at the exact same speed as if you were simply walking.
I wanted to be a frontman but I can't sing so everybody shut up and pay attention to me.
The musician that just picks up his/her instrument without needing to practice or warm up. They're just great at everything and could probably defeat you at everything in life without even trying. They're probably even better than you at being you.

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